a pedestrian's guide to Santiago

"Matt, what is the most annoying thing about Chile?"

Good question! I have had almost 7 months to ponder this. There are many annoying things about living here. Some are annoying on a moral level, e.g. the fact that Chile has one of the most unequal distributions of income in the world. Some are annoying on an organizational level, e.g. the daunting bureaucratic processes that one must endure to accomplish any sort of official task.

However, I will choose to elaborate on an annoyance which I face numerous times a day. The most annoying thing about Chile is the fact that Chileans have no idea how to walk in public.

This may seem contrite to you. In Kentucky, there is actually a verb for walking aimlessly at a slow pace ("to mosey"). Some odd alteration of genetics (probably from my mother's side as she likes to walk) has made me a naturally quick walker. In addition, my time spent on the East Coast has taught me that those who "mosey" lose the "survival of the fittest" game.

I used to assume that people in cities always walk quickly. I also assumed that urban pedestrians had some sort of internal "radar" hardwired into their brains. This radar would allow them to to anticipate the movements of other pedestrians, to execute swift overtaking of slower walkers without bumping into others, and to time their pace so that a red light would never be encountered. Well, you know what happens when you assume. I couldn't have been more wrong about the average Chilean pedestrian. Imagine the most countrified person, ever, being kidnapped from their mountainside shack and then being released at the corner of 52nd Street and Madison Ave. in Manhattan. They would probably walk slightly faster (and with a little more purpose) than the average person in Santiago.

This is a daily account of walking in Santiago: I am in a hurry. I need to walk two blocks from my apartment to the Metro. I step out of the elevator and and immediately am tackled by some old lady with shopping bags who refuses to give me courtesy of stepping out of the elevator before she gets on. I push my way through her bags, only to find a traffic jam at the door of the building. There are two doors, but everyone is lined up at one. It doesn't occur to anyone to just go open the other door for themselves and bypass the line. On the street, a group of ugly teenage girls, dressed in the emo-style which is so fashionable here, is taking up the entire sidewalk. I must step into the street to pass them. Up ahead is a middle-aged man who is the only person around for yards. I move to pass him also, but at the last minute he decides to walk diagonally and crashes into me. I groan and move ahead. The entrance of the Metro is in sight. At the top of the stairs the woman in front of me walking at an acceptable pace suddenly STOPS completely (the cardinal sin of urban walking; automatic damnation to the fiery flames forever) , causing a chain reaction. I crash into her and almost shove her down the stairs. She mutters something about me having no shame, but I'm already halfway down the stairs, leaving a dust trail. I pass my Bip! card and go through the turnstile, only to almost run head-on into someone walking up the down side of the staircase. This is despite the fact that there are signs everywhere asking people to "walk on the right". Vehicular traffic moves on the right in Chile, so this is not a new concept.

I suppose that my frustrations and my walking style come from cultural differences. In Chile, no one is ever in a hurry. Being an American, I am usually in a hurry, even if it is only imagined. I once said that I would never become Chilean in my drinking habits; well, I won't become Chilean in my walking habits, either. If you see a green-eyed lightning bolt racing down Avenida Providencia, that's me. And if you really want to make my day, position yourself directly in front of me, and then stop as though someone tore the batteries out of you. I'll give you one of those push starts that people use on cars. Maybe I should have saved the "Royal Bitch" picture for this post.